Monday, July 14, 2008

I can't stop thinking about it...

I feel like all I ever write about on here is our pursuit of becoming parents. It's been a hard road and continues to be an emotional roller coaster. I could sit here and talk all about how frustrating this past year has been and how much I just want to see that + on a pregnancy test. But I have already said all those things. Now it's time to write about what a blessing this past year has been and how I really do love this baby-free time that we have.

The Lord has used this past year to grow me in so many ways. A year ago my relationship with Him was inconsistent. I wasn't spending much time in the word and my desire was lacking. Now, one year later, everything is completely opposite. I have learned to completely rely on the Lord. I have realized that there is nothing we can do to make this happen sooner. It is not in our control. My desire to spend time in the word has grown tremendously! I can honestly say that I have been consistently in the word for an entire year (not saying I read everyday, but the desire was always there!) That is huge for me!

The Lord has also blessed us with another year to strengthen our marriage. I wouldn't change these past 4 years for anything. I have loved having Brian all to myself. Having a baby would have prohibited our growth as a couple and would have limited what we could do. We have traveled to some amazing places (St. Lucia, Paris, London, Vegas, lots of NYC trips...) and are going to several more places in the next few months (Hawaii, Vegas again!...). If we had a baby, these trips would be nearly impossible. I am so glad that we have had these 4 years to develop a solid foundation in our relationship because once a baby arrives, there won't be nearly as much time to devote to our marriage.

So, would I be devastated if we had to wait another year to have a baby? Yes and no. I want to be a mother with all my heart and look forward to that day with great anticipation. There is nothing I want more! But spending another year growing in my relationship with the Lord and Brian would also not be the end of the world.

Thank you Lord for all your blessings!


Suzanne said...

i love this post. I love your honest heart and I am so glad that you have come to this place to write this kind of a post. It is so encouraging to hear your humble, patient, yearning, but ever satisfied heart. THIS is what I have been praying for for you (amongst other things) and it brings joy to my heart to read your sweet, compassionate words. Do enjoy this season! For the Lord has many more seasons yet to come in which to fill all your hearts desires as you seek Him first! Muah! I love you and can't wait to see you!

Amy Middleton said...

That was some awesome perspective Sabrina! We are continuing to believe with you guys, and it's great to hear what God is doing in your life and marriage... those foundations are critical for a lifetime of raising kids! You guys rock... I would like to Ditto what Suzanne said too :)